Summer Update '05

As usual, it has been very long since our last update. We often struggle with these updates, as they can at times be very exhausting. We agonize over what we write, as it leaves one very vulnerable to others' judgment . To be honest, we aren't sure how much longer to continue writing. But for tonight, we will write, as much has been happening in the Ciacciarelli household since January.

February was a busy month, and we celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary. This year it was a little easier to celebrate
than last. We went out for a nice dinner and movie, and before we left Grace slipped us an anniversary card which read "I will miss you guys." She was jealous not to be included on our date. The next day we took Grace to Wisconsin for a day of skiing (her first time) thanks to Aunt Peeps and Uncle Charlie. Most of the day was spent picking her up off the ground. She was getting quite frustrated and Mike was getting quite tired when we finally decided to just let her go down the mountain. She made it down the bunny slope one time all by herself (when she started going too fast we had her plop down on her bottom to stop). It was nice for Mike to get on skis again like he did when he lived in New Hampshire, and for him to share his old hobby with Grace.

We had the opportunity to watch Grace's cousin Vinny for a few days at our house in February. Grace was more than happy to act as her younger cousin's unofficial babysitter, and to have a playmate around the house so much. She truly loves her cousin (just one month older than Max), and often asks if he can come and live with us. Grace continually asks for a brother or sister, which just makes our hearts ache. She is very bright, and we think she understands the genetics of why we cannot have another child, but is a master negotiator, and just will not let it go. "Maybe the next baby won't die," she says, and even suggested taking her ballet teacher's baby once it is born ("she has two other kids"). Her desperation is apparent, and our situation sets her and us apart from everyone in every way. Almost everyone she knows has a sibling. She recently said to me out of the blue, "I am mad at God because he made my brother sick." Her grief and understanding of our situation is always evolving as is ours.

Our desire for Grace to be around more kids, and our determination to give our only child the best opportunities to succeed prompted us to make a very big decision. Just a little over a month ago we left the only home Max lived in and moved one town over. The decision to move was very hard, and very complicated.

The two towns neighboring ours both have excellent school systems, and being that Grace is very bright we wanted her to have the chance to attend those schools. Though it's a financial stretch to move to these towns, their proximity to Mike's work and to friends who already know our story made them our best option. We made it clear to our realtor, however, that it would take a very special house to get us to move from the home we loved. After some looking we found what we thought was that house. We made a bid, and to strengthen our offer, put our house on the market. Well, thanks to an unscrupulous realtor (not ours, the seller's), we lost the house we bid on, and within less than 24 hours of putting our house up for sale our house was sold! I guess all of the work we put into it paid off, and you would have thought we were excited about selling our house so quickly. We weren't, and instead immediately regretted our decision. But, the house was sold, the buyers wanted to close quickly, and we still wanted all of the same things for Grace so we went on a frantic search for a house.

In the middle of all of this, we took a very nice trip to Maryland to see Mike's sister Dana and her family for Easter. His sister Peeps came to visit as well, and Grace "totally" loved playing with her cousins and helping take care of her littlest cousin Viv. The trip was too short, and we were too distracted with the idea of being homeless, but we had a really good time.

Once we got home from our trip, as fate would have it, Margaret ran into a friend of Mike's from a previous job. This woman had helped us find our apartment when we first got married, and put us in touch with the person we bought our first house from. Wouldn't you know it, her brother was being relocated and needed to sell his house right away. To make a long story short, we are in his old house right now! It is very old, very crooked, and needs a lot of work (all of which made it more affordable for us to buy). We have our work cut out for us here, and have made many trips to the paint store already (the clerks know Grace by name). Grace and Max's pediatrician happens to be our next door neighbor, which is nice, and it is on a really beautiful street directly across from the school Grace will attend. We went to the open house and she made herself right at home in the kindergarten classroom.

The days before the move were very difficult, and the emotions were often at times very powerful. It is almost too hard to believe that we cannot take our son with us to our new home. To move to a place with no reference to Max, no memory of him is very sad. Not to be able to sit in his room anymore and remember him sleeping in his crib is very hard. The night before we moved we packed Max's dresser, where we had been keeping some things of his we like to look at (the hand prints and molds we made the day before he died, his pacifier, jacket and Super Boy outfit ...). It was very emotional to say the least.

Of course we wouldn't sell our house to anyone who wouldn't let us take Max's tree and rose bush with us. It simply wasn't an option to leave them behind, so thanks to the help and very hard work of Uncle Vince and our dear friends Chris and Craig and Marko and Tunia the tree and bush came with us to the new house. Despite the stress of moving and the drought we are experiencing in Chicago, they are doing quite well. The area of the yard they are planted in looks quite pathetic though, so Mike and I will be spending Max's birthday (July 7th) sprucing it up.

In the days just prior to the move we celebrated Mother's Day and Mike's birthday, and of course we recently celebrated Father's Day. On the days we honor parenthood it is especially painful not to have our son with us. Grace, however, really loves those days and as always brightens our moods.

We are settling in to our new home, working our tails off painting and decorating as we prepare for the arrival of Mike's sister Dana and her family for the 4th. After they leave we will be visited by some transplant friends who are stopping in Chicago on their way to MN for check ups. Last week we met up with our RMH neighbor and Grace's friend Dustin. He looks so wonderful, now 3 years old and cancer free! Grace really enjoyed playing with him at the park and we enjoyed catching up with his parents. Besides visiting with friends and family Grace is busy this summer with t-ball, swimming and will soon start gymnastics. She finished dance a few weeks ago with a dance recital performance of Petticoat Junction. She is quite a little lady, really into fashion and friends these days. She is a challenge, a wonder, and a joy.

We hope you all have a safe and happy summer.

Love,
Margaret, Mike and Grace